Chika Fujiwara Can't Answer
by Guest22079
Summary: A crack-fic focused on Fujiwara's pining with other characters sprinkled in. Characters are slightly OOC. Unreliable narrator. Manga spoiler. Written as of chapter 144.


**A/N: This story references a lot of other popular culture, but most are not needed to understand the story. If you don't get a reference, just skip it. Most references are either nursery rhymes, fairy tales, or classic short stories. I just made this to try out angst and crack.**

"He loves me." A gentle wind blew.

"He loves me not." Petals swirled in the air.

Fujiwara laid on her bed as she looked happily at the balding flower in front of her. Where most people would pluck the petals of a daisy, Fujiwara was blowing on the head of a dandelion. Where most people would end the game at a singular flower, or maybe a bouquet if necessary, Fujiwara was going through a truckload or two.

Consequently, the floor beyond her was a beautiful mess, a garden that appears only once in a blue moon. By courtesy of the Prime Minister, she had an entire week off, an entire week to build up her garden from scratch. And build she did, for the floor was covered to the brim of petals from an uncountable amount of flowers. Flowers including, but not limited to: roses, morning glories, dandelions, sunflowers, lilies, and cherry blossoms. The resulting mosaic had a child-like feel to it, almost as if made by a random splattering of paints.

Underneath, escaped prisoners marched throughout, exploring and marking their territory in the wild west ever since their glass cages broke several days ago. The ants, in particular, were making huge headways. Already they were on their fifth hurrah, their little one stopping to take a dive. Itsy bitsy spiders (see: tarantula) were either already claiming the roof and gutters or being washed down the water spout. Others, such as ladybugs, praying mantis, Pesu, and garter snakes were also there, but they weren't really doing anything. Either way, Fujiwara paid no mind to them. She just focused on the flowers before her.

When she was done with her current bouquet, she tossed it into the air and snapped her fingers. She turned to her side as she waited for Pesu, all the while settling her gaze on a certain cardboard box. The box was distinguished from it brethren of other haphazardly placed boxes for nearly sliding off it shelf space, leaning dangerously against a heavy telescope. Fujiwara picked it up to inspect it, despite knowing full well what it was by its coloring. The Happy Life Game, the greatest fortune telling device known to Fujiwara. Sometimes, it made her wonder why she ever bought a set of tarot cards, or a book on palm reading. The game had already predicted everything about the future, if only in spirit.

For the unknowing, the Happy Life Game was made by the Tabletop Game Club and played only once, for it was immensely unpopular with the 67th Student Council. The game falsely predicted that Ishigami would be the first to die, not because that he would actually die, but because he was irredeemably irrelevant to the story. Iino would probably have died early too had she played. No, the real players were Chika Fujiwara, Kaguya Shinomiya, and Miyuki Shirogane. Miyuki's story remained largely the same: become a swot, get married, get tons of kids, and live on with life. And for the most part, that was all true. In the case of Fujiwara and Kaguya, however, things were more complicated. They, to put it in blunt term, swapped places.

Fujiwara thought day and night, for several years, why this might be the case. She got nothing. Her leading theory on why it turned out that way was that it was the universe trying to answer another age-old question for Fujiwara: Why was Kaguya so sad about giving away money that she didn't need? The answer, she wasn't. It was never about the money, but what it represented. To give a reasonable amount of money to an event meant support. And the game forced Kaguya to support, and consequently acknowledge, Fujiwara and President marriage. Reality, likewise, forced Fujiwara to the same end when Kaguya and President married. The parallelism just goes from there.

Taking a break, Fujiwara decided to stare into the window, the twilight sky. She started to mumble.

* * *

"... I wish tonight." The loving family remained quiet a little while longer before chatter dominated the boat.

"Daddy, will my wish really come true?"

"Daddy, I just saw a shooting star!"

Miyuki did not hear a thing. Typically, he would not hear anything due to the star's beauty. Now, he was just plain angry. The brochure, courtesy of Fujiwara, clearly stated that this was an "all expense paid vacation." Not an "all expense vacation except boats."

"Are you still thinking about that girl at the reception desk? How..." Kaguya mouth was immediately clasped by Miyuki's hand, driving his thought away from the letter and onto preserving his masculinity and loyalty. He opened his mouth to make denial claims...

"Cute!"

...only to have his children completely ruin his plan. "I am not answering any of your questions!" The retaliation was petty, and there was always a chance that not a single question had been utter. Still, it was a relatively safe bet considering his family. Additionally, his children could not be expected to survive the types of mind games he could think up.

"But Daddy, you promised to show us the Fall Quadrangle!" a child petitioned.

"Yeah!" It was of popular opinion.

Still, Miyuki refused to budge.

"Okay kids, listen up." It was hard to keep a chuckle at bay, but Kaguya managed. "Follow my lead." She grabbed her husband should and forced him closer to herself. "Follow your thumb and index finger..." Right hand on her left cheek, she kept going on and on, reciting everything the President has ever said about the stars above. She remembered the moon gazing activity in verbatim.

All the while, the kids laid low. Some were chattering, others were obediently following their mother every command. All were wondering if their wish came true.

* * *

Her wish? The same wish she had been wishing since Miyuki and Kaguya had left for Stanford. The same wish that prayed for as she rubbed the lamp collection, that she tossed into wells all over the county, that she wished for every 3rd of March. To have her heart grow wings, to be too free to be bound by one person. Never was it successful.

Fujiwara grabbed the bouquet in Pesu's mouth and watched him jump around the various bugs in the room. One landed on Fujiwara's hand, and she dutifully counted the dots. The ladybug had eight spots. Flowers began to bald as their petals were pulled out.

Eventually, Fujiwara got tired of standing and began to amble toward her bed. She only stopped at the delightful feeling of glass shattering. A picture of a certain wedding between Kaguya and Miyuki was hiding in the foliage. Petals began falling at a furious rate. The gown, the flowers, the ring, the man of her dreams, she wanted it all. She wanted it so badly, wanted him so badly. She brushed her arms against the stem of the bouquet, pushing roses to the outside and the rest to the inside. The euphoric sensation calmed her mind, dulled her senses, just as her art station once did.

* * *

"More mints?" Iino jokingly inquired as Ishigami grabbed an armful of mints from the checkout line.

"You know full well what the mints are for." Ishigami crossed several numbers from their little side budget.

"Do I now?" Iino popped one into her mouth. One couldn't hurt, right?

"We haven't paid for those yet," Ishigami bluntly reminded.

"Oh no, have I turned into a deviant?" Iino really changed after the Christmas Party. Nowadays, she regularly broke mundane rules that nobody gave two cents about. "Sometimes, I wonder why I married you." She pointed a glue stick at Ishigami face.

"Because I am your knight in shining armor?" They both changed.

"In your dreams, Ishigami. BTW, that reminds me..."

"That we don't use texting lingo in verbal conversation?"

"Haha, no. It is going to stop raining soon, and that the fireworks are still on. Should we invite Fujiwara-senpai?"

"Aren't we a bit late?" Iino responded by racing off, not bothering to wait for an answer. A barely audible "Race you there" could hardly be heard. Ishigami could only sigh as he tossed the receptionist a wad of cash. "You offer delivery, right?" A nod was all he needed before he tossed Fujiwara's business card and bolted across the door. He would never forget the Shirogane Family's saying: "Fast sprinters are popular with the girls."

* * *

That is not to say the only condition to a girl's heart was being a fast sprinter. For evidence, look no further than the drawer in Fujiwara's art station. Under the empty foreign glue bottle, baby powders and bags of mint were boxes of puzzles. Puzzles crafted by Arsene specifically for her, to keep her away from the most romantic place on earth.

"The Promise Land," Karen called it. No name could be more fitting. Finding the bookcase was dumb luck, and arriving at the very moment of the kiss even more so. Fujiwara would gladly give up her title as The Second Coming of Fujiwara no Michinaga just to be beyond the wall. In position to stop the momentous event from ever occurring, even if that only meant pushing their relationship a few months back.

Fujiwara returned to her bed, yawning all the while as she counted the petals. "One more flower" she would tell herself before indulging herself in another. Pesu was sleeping next to her, never waking until the first light of dawn.

"How shameful" a blue flower pitied. "How shameful."

"Knock it off, let the girl pine." A gong was heard from a far distance, signaling the start of the witching hour.

"Let see, give me time to make a list of everything wrong with her." The red bird was sowing the seeds of doubt. "She is pining for her child, a man with another wife, getting a little eccentric even for the Prime Minister taste, and being a burden to her remaining friends in Japan? Who here thinks that normal, moral, and healthy?"

"Not I," said one.

"Not I," said another.

"Not I," said a third.

"Not I," a plushy began to laugh. "Is that all you guys can say? 'Not I?' Are you just listening to whatever this bird is telling you?"

"I assure you, they are not biased. Whenever I asked for help, they ignored me."

"Of course they ignore you. The only thing they listen to is their stomach and their vices."

"Ad hominem," they lazily replied.

Two devils appeared from nowhere to prove the point. "Yeah, unless it that guy over there." The two devils pointed at each other.

"You guys are not helping." The plushy was getting a wee bit angry. "We ought to have a parliament. Ants, go whisper into the flowers, and let the message spread." And so it was done.

Soon hoards of ants came marching down the aisles. Tarantula followed suits, before praying mantis and the like. Then came the paranormal, such as all of the various nicknacks that called the shelves their home.

"Order, order!" The plushy began to shout.

"Who made you the leader?" The audience replied.

"Who do you nominate?"

"Why not little missy there?"

"We've gone over this a hundred times. She is a bit too bias, though which way none can tell."

"I nominate the voodoo doll of the Prez." There were hooplas to that, and so it was done.

"Again?" Prez was being pulled off the wall, the pins ever so falling.

"You know the drill. Is Fujiwara state of mind healthy or not? That is the question to be answered today."

"Have we not decided this yesterday? And the day before that?"

There was no reply. Just as there were no replies yesterday, and the day before that. Everyone knew all of the other's argument, knew how it would all end. This court hearing was a scripted as can be, replayed like an old rerun. It never deviated, never failed to put fear in Fujiwara's head. It hammered in how much of a failure she was despite the fact that she was the Prime Minister favorite advisor.

Five petals fell. Then a dozen. A petal for each argument given, each time someone switched sides. Squirrels brought up how well they were treated by Fujiwara. So did beetles and spiders. The flowers pointed out the moral of the Happy Life Game: marrying Fujiwara brings nothing but suffering. That the Prez was industrial waste.

The mouse fell over the clock, marking the end of the witching hour.

* * *

"Mommy, I don't want to sleep by myself." The youngest of the nine was still scared of the dark.

"Come on, you can do it. You need to face your fear. Nothing good ever happens if you always take the easy way out." He spoke from experience.

"Sweety, let him sleep with us. He always sleep instantly when we hug him."

"Fine." They shuffled around the bed a bit for the little one to jump between them and fall asleep. There was a silent moment before a yawn was heard. "Kaguya, the Festival will start soon and the letter covers any and all fee"

"Except boat." She corrected.

"Except boat." He repeated before continuing. "Want to go? We could visit Fujiwara and Ishigami..."

"No." Kaguya curtly replied.

"We don't have to tell your family about it, we could figure out something..."

"No."

"I know you feel guilty for getting Hayasaka kicked out, but she is still out there. You can apologize. Bring her with us."

"I'm so sorry, it's just too hard!" Kaguya was balling right now.

"Okay, what about this. Let our kids learn about their Japanese heritage. Let them see where we grew up."

* * *

Fujiwara was not sure when the sun had started shining again. Whether it was rising or setting. Why she was on the piano, or how the petals grew two centimeters higher. She only knew that these things happened, that they were new constant in her life.

She glanced at her hand, tracing kanji as she inspected it. Still as rich as before, lucky and happy. Marriage prospect still good, a testament to how bad palm reading was. She grabbed something from her gaming shelves. She tossed a cube into the air and ate her hand. A natural twenty. She wasn't sure why she felt it necessary, why she suddenly felt so angsty. Eating her hand didn't help.

Perhaps ramen? It was her choice of comfort food, but she didn't really want to go. Suddenly, a bell rung.

* * *

"Here are your orders, girls." The ramen was piping hot, made with extra firm noodles.

"The ramens taste so good!"

"I know, right? Chika-nee sure knows her ramen."

The girls were spooning up extra firm ramen as they chattered amongst themselves. To their side were a handful of bags filled, and seemingly useless tickets.

"Huh? I think it stopped raining."

"You think the festival is going to resume?"

"Why should I care about a little kid festival?"

"Because it could be an excuse to invite Tsubasa?" That got Kashiwagi and Maki listening.

"And how is that supposed to make things better?" Once a tsundere, always a tsundere.

"Yeah!" And as it turns out, Kashiwagi was not on speaking terms with Tsubasa.

"I heard Nii-san was coming for a visit, we could invite them." There was a silent agreement.

"Can I invite someone too?"

"Of course Moeha. Who do you have in mind?"

* * *

"Who could that be?" The house servants weren't to arrive for a few more days. She didn't make any new orders for more flowers since she still had another truckload to get through.

"Miyuki?" She was not sure why her brain jumped there, he wasn't even in her vicinity, much less her hemisphere. She pulled on her hair as she went to her closet.

What came out was a waterfall of petal and bouquets, jutting out like Rainbow Falls. But she paid them no mind, nor the state of her body. She grabbed the first dress and rushed down stair before halting.

"What if it was the President?" That thought paralyzed her more than it should. It was absolutely ridiculous to assume he would come as they had bad memories here. But she couldn't help herself, love and paranoia came hand in hand.

Petals kept falling. Bells continued ringing. Hearts were pounding.

Chika Fujiwara Can't Answer.

* * *

**A/N: Reminder: Iino, Ishigami, Shirogane, Kaguya, Maki, Kashiwagi, the delivery person (Ishigami gave Fujiwara's address), etc. are all viable candidate to being behind that door.**


End file.
